I have to say, I was a little wound up about my 40th birthday for some weeks before. I was trying to construct in my mind the most perfect day but couldn't seem to get there; I was overwhelmed by the expectation and more than a little tired of my mind's obsessive planning.
By some grace of God, I decided a week before the "big day" that it actually didn't matter what I did on my birthday; what really mattered was my attitude and grounding going into my birthday. So, also thankfully, I took action. I quick signed Francesca up for camp. I quick hired my mother's helper to come nearly every day. And I quick made a list of priorities with my new mantras in mind: I am active! I am fun! I am loving!
So each day I ran through the woods; practiced yoga by the river and meditated there too; I wrote in the cafe (and one day I even did a little shopping!)...all the while, reciting my new beloved mantras.
All of this felt terribly indulgent at the beginning of the week and I had to push through some fear about Francesca being at camp all day (despite the fact that she came home happy, excited and even a bit more limber each day!) and saying goodbye to Lilian at the door. But I continued to follow my own instructions.
Some mornings I would think of the many errands I could do during my time out - grocery store; gas; dinner prep - but I drove directly to the river and I ran. (On a side note, I found running through the woods quite exhilarating! I felt fast and happy and I found a new practice: smiling while running comes very naturally!) Each day I felt more and more like myself; stronger, happier, calmer. And I knew this was not just a gift for me, but a gift to my family and the world.
And you know what?
I had the most perfect birthday.
Here is a little poem I wrote about my day (and all that led up to it.)
Birthday Mantras and Actions
Open your heart to the love!
Listening to my own instructions.
Your heart is as wide as the lake!
Wisdom speaking.
I am active!
Running up the side of a mountain; yoga and quiet on the ledge; swimming in the lake -temperature perfection; kayaking to the cove.
I am fun!
Smiling all the way down the side of the mountain (what a wonderful practice smiling is!); laughing easily; emerging as myself - light and free.
I am loving!
Kisses and warmth and love; resisting no gift of affection.
Open so that you may receive gifts of love and goodness and recognize the interconnectedness of our lives and our hearts.
