The middle of the night can be oh so many things. The sweetness of picking up a babe. The tired eyes and shock of crying. And, at times, it can be vicious.
Last night was one of those nights for me. My mind was triggered by something I read and bam, I was down for the count. Reflecting back, I can't believe the negative spiral that my mind journeyed on . . . one negative thought was an open doorway to the next and soon I was swimming in a sea of past regrets, mistakes and general ill will towards none other than myself. I could "see" this happening and at one point was saying to myself, "do we really need to go into this? I don't feel like thinking about this right now!" But the ego mind is unrelenting and the spiral continued down, down, down . . .
Until just this smidgen of awareness allowed me to arrest myself and employ some of the most precious tools that I have been collecting over the years. I was able to grab hold of myself as a friend would and say, "this is unacceptable; this is no way to treat a friend." And I took out my mantra tool and began. I searched for a mantra that was suitable for this moment and even this act brought relief. And then the mantra came: "I am love." I said it over and over and over and began to create a new pathway for my thoughts: a pathway of positivity and loving-kindness.
My soul began to heal from the shame spiral that I had spun out on and I drifted back into sweet sleep. This morning I was grateful for one thing: that I have befriended myself and my commitment to fostering this friendship is renewed yet again.
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