I have had this idea mulling around for some time: that taking pictures takes me away from the moment itself. Even just the knowledge that I can take a picture at any time and send it off in a blink separates me from the experience. And so this is what I wonder: is my 24 hour access to picture taking and picture sharing a slippery slope to grasping - in each picture am I holding on to something? Trying to preserve it for another time or another place or, more frequently, trying to transport my experience to someone else? I don't know the answer to this question. But this is what I am trying: I am not taking pictures at all this week. Under no circumstances will I flip my camera up on my iphone or even take out my dusty cannon sure shot. One week.
I made this decision last night as Matt and Francesca were making the most adorable fairy door and window I have ever laid my eyes on. It almost felt like instinct (like the same instinct that I feel to drink water or go to the bathroom) to grab my phone and shoot. I had a list of people I would share it with. But I stuck to my rule and once I embraced it, I have to say, I felt this freedom inside of me. I took Lilian outside when the fairy door team was securing the door onto the tree and I had nothing but her and my keys. We walked around the block to the coveted cherry blossom tree on Newport Street. I looked into her eyes as she looked up into the blossoms. I looked up into the blossoms myself and I saw them with eyes that felt clear and full. We walked slowly and intentionally and noticed the purple flowers and listened to the robins sing. I am sure I would have done all of this if I also had my phone in my back pocket, but what I am not sure about is the clarity of my presence. I felt like I was there. Just with Lilian. Just with the flowers and birds. I saw Francesca wave to me from down the street and felt joy in my step as I moved towards her.
I know I will return to taking pictures as their value in capturing moments and spreading joy is amazing; I just don't want the camera/phone to become the master of my experience.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Leaning Forward
One of my wise sister-in-laws said this, "if we lean forward too much, the rug of gratitude comes out from under us." Speak it, Sister.
The truth of this has hit me over the head multiple times in the past few weeks as I "lean forward" into what is next - job, home, family, travel, passion, work, path. Fortunately, with this thought in my head, I can actually feel the rug slipping out from under me when I am leaning just a little bit too far. And I stop. I sit down. In the mess. In the moment. And I scoot back into the present.
Thankfully, besides these wise words, I have two little buddhas running (or scooting) around my home demanding presence amidst their almost constant activity. My three year old asks me to sit on the couch with her when she wakes up in the morning, "come sit with me," she beckons. I follow her directions these days rather than making up excuses about lunch-making, coffee drinking, showering. My one year old tugs on my pants in the kitchen, asking me to pick her up. To look at her face. To teach her something or to just be together in this moment, whatever it is: cooking bacon; cleaning the floor; folding the laundry. I head her directions as well and gaze. And gratitude naturally fills my body from my eyes to my toes.
So, here are some of the things that I am grateful for these days:
* soft breathing in my ear. Anytime of day.
* holding your hand in the middle of the night; knowing that I am not alone.
* sitting on the couch. Reading a book. Or not. Your body snuzzled into mine.
* the girls running (scooting) when the door opens and you appear.
* laughter.
* all of the time that I get to spend in the bathroom.
* walking to school and saying hi to the robins.
* how you ruff and rub your belly (not at the same time.)
* quiet dinner with Matt.
* how excited you get about almost anything.
* dancing.
* the spaces in between....
And what is it that you are grateful for? Today? Right now?
The truth of this has hit me over the head multiple times in the past few weeks as I "lean forward" into what is next - job, home, family, travel, passion, work, path. Fortunately, with this thought in my head, I can actually feel the rug slipping out from under me when I am leaning just a little bit too far. And I stop. I sit down. In the mess. In the moment. And I scoot back into the present.
Thankfully, besides these wise words, I have two little buddhas running (or scooting) around my home demanding presence amidst their almost constant activity. My three year old asks me to sit on the couch with her when she wakes up in the morning, "come sit with me," she beckons. I follow her directions these days rather than making up excuses about lunch-making, coffee drinking, showering. My one year old tugs on my pants in the kitchen, asking me to pick her up. To look at her face. To teach her something or to just be together in this moment, whatever it is: cooking bacon; cleaning the floor; folding the laundry. I head her directions as well and gaze. And gratitude naturally fills my body from my eyes to my toes.
So, here are some of the things that I am grateful for these days:
* soft breathing in my ear. Anytime of day.
* holding your hand in the middle of the night; knowing that I am not alone.
* sitting on the couch. Reading a book. Or not. Your body snuzzled into mine.
* the girls running (scooting) when the door opens and you appear.
* laughter.
* all of the time that I get to spend in the bathroom.
* walking to school and saying hi to the robins.
* how you ruff and rub your belly (not at the same time.)
* quiet dinner with Matt.
* how excited you get about almost anything.
* dancing.
* the spaces in between....
And what is it that you are grateful for? Today? Right now?
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