Full of Busy

Parenting toddlers can often feel like business.  Busi - ness.  Busy ness.  Full of busy.

Mid-day, when my toddler is at school and my infant is sleeping, I sometimes fantasize about reading negotiation strategies for business leaders so that I can really hone my parenting skills.  I may even write this grand idea down in my planner, "read book or article about international negotiation strategies . . . " but, when the kids are in bed and the dishes are drying, I often lay down on the floor too exhausted to reflect on even a smidgen of all that just happened.

And if parenting a toddler is like business, the mornings are like the New York Stock Exchange when the morning bell rings - excitement, devastation, shouting, dancing, pushing, focus, chaos all rolled into one little 30 pound stock broker.  Somehow, against all odds, we get her out the door - sometimes her face still wet with tears that there were no yellow gummy bear vitamins left, others her face filled with the light and promise of a new day.  And we walk.  Everything slows down just a bit.  She remembers that she can jump off of steps and proudly shows me.  We hold hands not because we have to anymore, but because it feels good (this is what I like to think at least.)  Sometimes she sings.  Sometimes we talk.  Sometimes it is just quiet.  I cherish these walks in between all of the busy ness. 

Just last Friday, after I got her settled into her mini stock broker chair in her classroom, I gave her a kiss goodbye.  For some reason, just as I got to the door, I looked back and saw her politely ask the teacher for a muffin.  What was it about this minute action that made my heart sink into itself?  Was it pride?  Or was it, again, the nudge to let go?  For, as challenging as these little stoke brokers are at home, they are so very hard to let go of for their sweetness ranks right up there with a chocolate cake eaten to celebrate a big win on the Exchange floor.