Change

 

Wednesday, August 26th, 2015

Kitchen table.  6:35am. 

 

Matt's first day of school.

The bacon is made and the eggs are ready to be put on. 

He is getting ready.

 

I relax my shoulders. 

I am thinking about Francesca getting on the bus in a few days. 

 

I am thinking about how my mornings, my days, are about to change. 

How everything, really, is constantly shifting. 

Some changes are more drastic than others, like the first day of school or my oldest child getting onto the bus for the first time.  Alone.  Off into the world. 

But there is always an undercurrent of change just as powerful as the change that I end up talking about.  Perhaps if I tuned in more acutely to these subtle changes, larger change would not contain so much power - so much potential - to knock me off my feet. 

 

Changes like the quality or temperature of the air; the changing time and sound of dusk; the way the mist moves over the mountain at first light; the way a seven month old studies her hand in wonder; the subtle change of intonation of a two year old or the new ways in which a five year helps around the house. 

 

I have some memories of days lately:

Francesca watercoloring upstairs for the first time while I sift through clothes;

Blair and Francesca falling into sweet sleep on my bed with me;

Lilian prancing through the yard with a pinwheel in hand

And I can feel myself lunging backwards to a stretch of time but, in reality, these were singular moments never actually to be repeated. 

 

The best I can do is be in this day and then let it be free. 

 

*  I try to write morning pages every day (writing that is completely freeform.)  Typically these pages would not be worth sharing (although I often get thinking about a topic or an idea while writing.)  This one I thought was worth sharing as we are all experiencing change right now in our lives with school, the seasons and the many other subtle changes that occur in our lives.  This weekend I found this leaf while I walked through the woods.  The beauty bowled me over as the leaf represented the process of change itself. 

 

*  Check out morning pages at: http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/