And let go

This topic - this experience of letting go - is every changing.

A few nights ago, I was legit playing with Blair.  To be completely frank, this doesn't happen all too often because I end up feeling as though I have been taken hostage by a four year old and will never return to the adult land of dishes and laundry.  And this provokes fear.  But on this night I could not say no when Blair said, "Mommy, will you play jungle with me?"  To my surprise, jungle involved me laying on a carefully laid out "bridge" of pillows and blankets which was both a surprise and a delight.  I secretly pretended I was in a restorative yoga class while Blair collected items from the jungle.  She told me to stay put.  Soon, however, we moved on to the desk and were now playing, "desk."  I was instructed to sit on a meditation cushion as close to her as possible.  Again, I obliged jumping on the opportunity to catch a little meditation action.  And there they were!  Worry thoughts sky-rocketing through my brain...."why does Blair always have cell phones in her play?...where is she learning this?...she is actually pausing her play to respond to a "text"...what is the world going to be like when she is an adult?  who will she become?  what have I don't wrong?  and what are we going to do about global warming? . . . " (the latter is currently attached to every worry thought that I have.  You?)

With my meditation cushion as support, I noticed all of these thoughts and I wondered if I could just let them go.  Each thought.  Notice it.  Let it go.  Each worry.  See you.  Float away.  I, in fact, became a bit lighter.  I was able to carry on with my play and continue this as a practice long after "jungle" and "desk."

Sometimes letting go can be misinterpreted in my own mind as not caring.  Like I don't care about cell phone usage with kids or what Blair will be when she grows up (this one, I might actually not care about, I just want her to feel fulfilled and alive).  And so I believe that it is exactly the touching in to the thought/worry/feeling that is vital.  The noticing.  Letting go cannot happen without the noticing.

I was reminded of a quote from Gandhi that has to do with right action and moving on.  In other words, do the next right thing.  And don't get too caught up in the fruit of your actions.  I brought this to my yoga students this morning.  As we practiced, I encouraged them to pause after effort had been put forth.  To rest in the body.  And let go.