Thursday, October 3, 2013

Soft Shell Crab

Today I truly feel my sign - cancer.  But I have molted and am the soft shell kind.  My whole being sensitive to the world around me so much so that watching two middle aged men playing tennis brought me to near tears.  The one guy hit the ball right into the net and I could literally feel his disappointment reverberate through my body.

Dropping my toddler off at school, I crouched down while she used the little potty; again, near tears.  What was it?  Was I noticing how little she still is as she sat on this tiny potty in her new school?  Or how far she has come?  Sometimes I am just trying to get through these things like potty training that I miss the sweet, simple blend of teaching and accomplishment. 

In the past I have wondered about my fate as a crab and have even cursed my particular brand of sensitivity that ebbs and flows with the tides.  Perhaps I saw it as a sign of weakness or, worse, depression.  But now, today, I feel grateful for this temporary raw sensitivity to the world around me and can sense the deep strength that lies directly underneath. 

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